The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
