If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
