I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
