Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
