i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize