took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
