his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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