Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
