quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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