Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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