In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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