bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize