When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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