Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
