hell yes lets make some ravioli
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
