she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
one two three fourrrrnication!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
