u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You need Xanax blowdarts
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
