i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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