with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
