When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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