There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
