your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
