Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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