so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
smell my finger.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize