I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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