Acid is not a monday night drug
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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