I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
