No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
