Cold hands, warm shart.
we have pet lesbian snakes
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
