Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
