my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
