grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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