Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize