On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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