thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize