nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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