Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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