Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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