so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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