I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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