you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize