toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
