Umm I'm too high to move.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
