apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
