I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
