I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Randomize
