Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
