i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
