tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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