Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
