we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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