turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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