im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
