you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Your penis caused this!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
