I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
