I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
