I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Where is the hickey?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
