what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
