chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
