my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
