brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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