possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
