dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
