I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
