I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
