if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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