make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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