I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I party with great urgency now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
