Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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