So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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