Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
