i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she smelled like a LAN party
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The power of my boobs compel you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
