i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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