Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
