dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
