Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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