Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
