Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
