Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
