We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
