Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
