mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
