Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
