Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
