dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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