I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
