I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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