you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
