I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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