I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
