i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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