i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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