Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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