It's like God shit irony all over that family
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize