just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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