I threw up into my coffee this morning.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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