Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
