The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
