there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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