and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize