Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
