she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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