She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
