im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
