I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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