I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
