That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
