Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
